Loving yourself

Breaking someone’s reality can be hard.
When you tell your truth, it hurts their deception of you and the world.

Life keeps going.

As people, we are blessed and cursed with this thing call Awareness. The conscious mind tells you what is right from wrong.

Most people know how to tell the difference.

I see a split world from time to time, or maybe it’s the people I allow myself to see.

I know there are transcendent people out there in this detailed world.

The thing is many people are not willing to receive messages. They are just not there yet. I am learning how to see the world for what it is. No bullshit no gimmicks, Just seeing what the world shows me, with no judgment. I cannot save the world, because this world is perfect the way it is. Just like you and I. What is happening will always be happening. It doesn’t mean you can’t change what is going to happen. Your reaction will forever shape what will happen next. You decide.

There are many different cultures in this world. So many different people are living life — so many different versions of ourselves in different bodies.

I try and see myself in others; I try and relate to others, I try and give others advice. Empathy is the key to humanity and genuine kindness. Like I said before, many people aren’t ready to receive a message they aren’t prepared for yet.

What people see you as will always be a reflection of who they are. They are just trying to bring their insecurities on to you. Remember this, you matter. Want to know how I know? Because you are reading this and you are ready to receive the message. Be nothing more than who you were meant to be — the best you. If you give a lot it because you are a lot, nobody gives what they don’t have.

With love and respect, I hope you find what you need from this world.

A little less you.

I am tired of fake smiles, fake people, and an artificial world. I tried to hold it together for things and people, somethings never change. We all have flaws, we all do stuff the makes our egos feel a bit better. I need to heal, and healing doesn’t start with the people that hurt you. Healing begins with forgiving yourself first, then forgiving the people that hurt.

The same toxic cycles will never heal you; some people never grow past their high-school days. I used to think that I wanted to fit in. There is nothing to fit into a world that is already dead. We are preoccupied with bullshit every day. I need to and want to get the fuck out of this mental prison.

As I go through my journey of life, I start to see where I survive isn’t where I am supposed to be. I don’t belong in a lethal cycle. I know myself better than anyone else. I know how I think. Life after disease, I rose to notice I wanted to be more me then be more what others want to me to be.

Empathy > Sympathy

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Sympathy: feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.

pity: the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others.

sorrow: a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.

distress: sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

If we can—just for a second—take the time out of our day and tell ourselves “I empathize with you” rather then “I sympathize with you,” this world would be a better place. We have this world confused at times. This world doesn’t need more wars, this world doesn’t need more religious people, this world needs more compassion. A world full of love is a world full of life. 

I have been through a lot—I think we all got the point already. I don’t live in the past, I live in the present. Sometimes, being hurt can overtake you when you believe that your voice doesn’t matter. Every voice matters. We all matter. 

I think about death a lot. Even though I went through it, I still fear it. Not fearing death itself but rather wondering: DID I DO ENOUGH? The first thing I am doing when I become wealthy is helping others. Move somewhere more green and serene, be with nature, write a book about who I am and who I want to become. See how I said when. Not “if” I became wealthy. 

Self love

I am in the process of loving who I am. I am welcoming all parts of myself, with, love. The second you feel pity for yourself, you start to lose the human part of you. ego> aside it’s okay to feel pride with stuff that you do or accomplish. You feel more accomplished when you succeed at something. Loving yourself isn’t a bad thing, just remember to always give that same love to other people. Learn how to ignore the people that try and harm you. Never kill someone with kindness, sometimes you might kill yourself with it instead. Kill them with silence. Understand that your energy is not meant for everyone.

I read this book the other day called “Mind Platter”; there was a line that read

“Don’t break a bird’s wings and then tell it to fly. Don’t break a heart and then tell it to love. Don’t break a soul and then tell it to be happy.” -Mind Platter

Conclusion 

Moving forward, my life is in my hands and I’ll keep trying remaining true to myself and to others. Find empathy rather the sympathy. Choose love rather than hate. Give yourself the time you need to heal. 

Ps. Thank you for reading.

Breaking up, moving on

It’s not you that I hold onto. I don’t even miss you. I wrote about you before and felt completely empowered. Been checking up on you every now and then, you still never showed up. I can say that you standing me up has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. At times, I miss you. At times, I ask myself how did you fuck me up so much and just leave. Thinking I was going to be okay, just like that.
The voice you gave me made me feel like a complete idiot around a bunch of people that never understood you. What you are to me is something special, you have a special place in my heart. Even though we are no longer together, I still love you for all the things you taught me. I still fucking hate you for all the deaths you have caused.
People fear you, I did at one point thats why I held you so close. The more I spoke about you, the more I looked like an idiot. People telling me to move past it but little did they know I was trying… I failed. In failing, you are becoming more of a faded memory.
Time heals… others forget you. I only remember you more deeply. With you, life was like me trying to survive. Without you, life is where I am.
You made me lost in the way I think. From time to time, I try and remember how strong I was with you. Without you, I don’t have a excuse to fight.
Fighting with you isn’t a war. Forgetting you wasn’t always easy. You left a toxic taste in my mouth. As years go by, I tell myself that I am better. I am not though. I don’t really care about what I used to care about while I was with you. My parents don’t even care about you anymore. Everyone wants to forget you and tell me to move on. HOW? WHERE? I get that life without you is better.

This time of year gets hard from time to time. You become real and it’s like I can still feel your touch. The cold weather here reminds me of your coldness. I turned cold for a bit. It’s like the more I get ignored, the more I want to remember you. This feeling makes me feel like you are in all when you are nothing more than just something that most fear.

Remember how much you loved me that you almost tried killing me? Those were the days where I was my strongest. You made me lose sight in some ways. You were blinding me just like you were blinded in me. I really hope everyone you meet gives you the same treatment I gave you. Hopefully we’ll never meet again.

FUCK YOU, Thank you Cancer.

Sincerely, Mouhamad Beydoun