Narcissism, Self-centered, Fraud, Fake.

Label me. I don’t really care anymore.

Speak opened minded, self-reflect on your own self. No one can save somebody that doesn’t want to save themselves.

Dear people, I don’t know who this will reach, I hope it reaches somebody that needs it the most.  We are all going through something in Life. I want to first thank the people who believed me in and I let them down.

Deep down somewhere in my heart lays a compassionate soul. There are many different layers under the surface of my being.

I am grateful enough to be where I am now. I have one of the best families in the world and it’s time I start doing for them what they did for me.

Sometimes Parents can be confusing, they don’t listen, they try and discipline you, ten years too late. They always have their best intentions at heart. Somewhere in life, we get hurt mentally, and then we stop growing emotionally.

Hurting doesn’t need to be forever, hurting stop when you figure out that sometimes, we need to self-reflect on what really matters.

Self-reflecting isn’t always blaming yourself, it’s accepting that you are human, it’s telling yourself that nothing in the past will define who you are today.

I try and talk about being yourself, We are all one race at the end of the day separated by religion and dumb politics, we are divided. Seeing end of life makes you not be able to see current life at times.

I am good where I am right now. What I don’t understand is someone who is positive 24/7, find me a person that is happy all year round. I’ll find you a million who aren’t. I give credit to those who mask their pain. Life is all pain. We one day will die, our energy will never die but we will. Masking is like trying to dry a surface with wet paper, it will just make everything messier.

BTW I am not the best writer, I am good at expressing myself. I’ll make it one day.

ps. Introduce yourself, I would love to get to know you guys.

Comparison Is the Thief

I don’t really know where this is going.

I just turned 28 years old a couple of weeks ago. I feel like I am 90 years old. The more I say this the more I feel so confused. Life is confusing. Maybe I am just confused. I know somewhere deep within lays happiness. Happiness isn’t there anymore.

Confused about where I want to take my story.

Maybe I feel guilty for not loving myself after cancer, Maybe I feel regret for not helping others with sharing the best side of me. Maybe I just reached my breaking point, maybe its just my breakthrough, God knows.

Three years ago on Halloween, was one of the scariest moments in my life.

I was driving them on the highway and thought about the feeling of how scared I was. I remember spending that night in the city seeing people celebrating happiness dressed up in the costume. Here I was going into one of the scariest wars I would ever face. I remember tears coming down my face not knowing there was this fighter I still haven’t met.  This inner fight is strong, extremely strong. He survived cancer.

I get deep sometimes that is one of my core beliefs. I want to ask questions and always want people to be themselves, the fighter part of me fights the real part of me so I get confused a lot in trying to become something that I am not.

We are living in a world where being, isn’t really being. We are becoming self-absorbed in hating and feeling so lost that we cannot see straight anymore. Labels get thrown at you for maturing faster than others.

I used to love. I kill what I love. I let people down and in letting people I kill myself.

I tried saving others to only give a false image of who I was. Living Life after cancer isn’t the same as living life with it.

our prime years we go out exploring, in your 20’s your supposed to find out who you are, I was figuring out how to survive. In figuring it out, I keep getting lost. A real compliment feels so fake, maybe because it’s because that how I view myself as fake. I need to start taking better care of myself.

I overthink everything. Let’s get this story right this time. I don’t think anyone would understand, I gave away to much of my story to things that didn’t matter. I am learning how not to overreact to the small things.

I may have said this before, but F it, I’ll say it again.

Truth Hurts.

Everyone wants you to be happy.

Once you know something, it’s forever. Can’t take back the words and can’t just forget the truth.

The truth hurts- that’s why no one likes to hear it. Life sometimes can be funny. We have people all over the world trying to figure it out. Some get distracted by the superficial meanings in life, while others feel it so much that they just get lost in their own misery.

I failed in being myself and failed even more so at trying to be someone I am not. When you try and become something you’re not, you’ll get lost and do the unethical things rather than what your core stands for.

We are all humans at the end of the day, we all are one at the end of the night. Everyone has two things in common: Life and Death, the in-between is where we become different.

Life is continuous… God is real and living inside of us. Society- we are becoming slaves to what we see and what we think. I wish I can take my own advice; I just can’t, so I am not expecting you to take my advice either.

I view life as being different… I don’t see cancer as a sickness, rather I view it as a lesson. What was the lesson in going through what I went to through? I don’t think I understood the lesson.

Retell your story until you get it right. Find what you stand for and do it. Forget the bullshit and it’s okay to not want to be in the game to play an unfair game. Become your game. Forget washed up people that try and break you and move past the bullshit. You know you and no one else does.

Money or Laughter

Suppressed.

Things get personal at times. We shift our focus from what truly matters to hating who we are as people.

I remember times where I thought I was going to die. I did not die, but at some point, I wanted to. Today, that feeling has been positively superseded.

Mentally, I felt dead in the head. Life has different phases and within each phase comes a lesson. You will never grow if you stay stuck in your comfort zone.

If I were to describe myself in one word it would be powerful; if you find that cliche then maybe you’re just not going through something difficult in your life. Not being able to express your emotions is one of the biggest sins.

I know times may seem hard. I know that I write and I get lost in my head. Maybe it is life after cancer, or maybe it is just me hating myself for feeling stuck. I have opened up a lot about myself yet in doing so it took away from who I am.

I am far from perfect, but at least I am working on becoming a better person.

You are allowed to judge me on my writing. You are allowed to judge me on my character. You are allowed to think whatever you want to think about me. Just know that you have never stepped foot into my shoes.

You might think that you may know me based off of my old writing or my old pictures. Maybe you even think I have the world at my fingertips. Yes, I traveled the world with life after cancer, but is that happiness? Is happiness measured by material?

The greatest feeling of happiness is making sure that other people are living life with content. Do not get sucked into selling yourself out. Throughout the time you will only get lost in other people’s misery.

We all experience different feelings in life. Happiness, sadness, loneliness, anger… I think by now you are getting the point.

I heard a story one time: there was a guy that shared a house with his wife. They lived a below average life, in a hut that was overseen by the king. Every night, the king would hear laughter, something that pleasantly surprised him.  The next morning, he went to visit the couple and offered them gold. He told them that he has never experienced the same feeling as he did seeing them laugh. The couple did not know what to do. The change from poverty to wealth was a huge difference to there lives. They accepted the offer.

As days passed, their laughter decreased. They were more focused on managing and maintaining the gold, they forgot to enjoy each other’s presence and laugh. Money is a good tool for helping you through life, but money is not everything.