Finding yourself.

Life. We all have it some of us struggle with the meaning of it. We are all different, and in being different, we sometimes fall short of becoming something more then what we are. She will never stop loving you as long as you are here right now reading this. In the words of Alan Watts, ” existence is love.”

Play on words has you thinking. Life has me thinking, is everything for the moment, or is there something more than where I am now. We never know where we are because we are always trying to control something that we cannot control. When I say we I don’t mean all, I mean we as in the overthinkers. Overthinking is both bliss and curse.

Through Cancer, I’ve learned that I forget how strong I am as a person. I’ve also learned how I don’t give myself enough credit. People get turned off by mental health topics. They don’t want to hear about your suffering because the world is grieving as is. They want to hear about the achievement of the struggles, not the battle it.

I want to conceive myself of being smart enough emotionally, I numbed myself through substance to escape parts of me I hated, and I learned that to kill those parts I needed to love those parts. Those parts of me were answers to my question of finding what it is that makes me not act in my true self.

I know when I don’t act from my true self. My true self is a loving and caring person. Through life and my own experience, different parts of me were born. Parts of me that I am trying to understand so that my inner child doesn’t fear them.

One part of me that I am still trying to understand is my fighter side. Even though it helped me, it’s also wanted to destroy me. It is hard letting out a front of you to the world. I am learning not to be scared to be unmasked. It will eliminate those that fail to understand my being.

One of my darkest times overshadowed my light. I didn’t understand it back then I don’t think I fully understand it now. There are still parts of me that need work, and I find it within me to change these bad habits that once helped me heal physically and destroyed me mentally.

In the process of growing up, you’ll learn that the kid within you is still alive. You will discover that people are just people learning the adults are unhealed kids. Generations of same old toxic cycles, you will try and break it, but they would be to hurt because they don’t like their idea of what this world is to change, which is okay. Don’t allow that to break you from becoming you.

Speak your mind; become free. Remember How I told you, in the beginning, people are struggling in finding the meaning of their why. I know my why, It’s helping others to find out who they are. Not everyone wants to find themselves, which is okay. I am here just speaking, not preaching because I understand that people are people; they do what they choose to do. That is the best part of being a human; we have access to self-control most of the time. We are emotional beings; we are thinkers; we are an expression and so much more.

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